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Almost Scientific Fact Of The Day 10/1/12

'British men typically have bigger penises than their French counterparts but are less well endowed than Germans, a new study has suggested. The average penis size for a British man is apparently 5.5in when erect - larger than the French at 5.3in, Australians (5.2in), Americans (5.1in) and Irish (5in).

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Yay! Microparenting!! 11/14/14

Hey, welcome back.

Now, where were we? Ah yes, in my last entry, The Incident, I was having a bit of a rant about ‘Modern Parenting’. Let’s do this.  

There’s far too much micromanaging of our children’s upbringing.

We’re all up in their grillz- as the youth say- about pretty much everything, but especially school. Parents today are way more intimately involved in their kids’ education than our parents were. When I was a kid, I pretty much took my report card home, and either faced the music or got the praise.

Because of this ‘intimate involvement’, there are a lot more rules now than there were back in the day. Check it out, this is one of the most ridiculous ones that I’ve heard of-

At one of the local grammar schools where I live, there is NO RUNNING ALLOWED during recess. What?! The reason behind this rule is to avoid ‘falling injuries’. Really? We’re protecting our kids from falling now? Wow.

How are they supposed to learn to pick themselves up if they never fall? Not to mention the fact that kids just need to run because they’re kids and it’s good for them. Right? I’ve heard about this ‘no running’ rule in other parts of the country, so it’s not just because I live in Northern California (if you know what I’m saying), it’s happening in other places. Madness.

If I were a betting man, I’d put my money on ‘kid-has-bad-fall-on-playground-parents-sue-school-and-win-no-more-running’. Way to go ‘Merica.


On to the micromanaging. My 15 year old son- The Tall One- is a sophomore in High School. I get about 10 emails a day from his school. TEN! There are two different websites that you register on to track your kids homework that send out constant notifications about big projects, attendance, tests, grades, quizzes, and whatever else you can think of to track. The logic is this- if the student falls behind then it can be caught quickly and corrected. A higher success rate with less failure being the goal. However, I think it’s a bit too ‘NSA-spying-on-American-citizens’ for my taste. Way too hand-holdy.

In the first three weeks back after summer break, the High School hosted a Back to School Night, a Parent’s Night, and a seminar on the tracking websites. One of the emails about the seminar recommended that I sign up immediately ‘as space is limited and going fast’. Who are these people?! Also, why have a Parent’s Night the week after all the parent’s were there for Back to School Night? Dafuq?!

I’ve done the ‘micromanage your kids education’ thing, and it’s sucks.

You have to stay all over your kids nonstop. It made my son and I have an unhealthily adversarial edge to our relationship. And for what? Good grades? To help him ‘succeed’? In what? Being good at school? Hmmm. I don’t know. 

I stopped micromanaging him when he started his freshman year. I set goals for him that were reachable and left him to it. It’s his education and his responsibility to see it through to the best of his abilities. He succeeded past my expectations, and I’m proud of him. No more hand holding, it’s up to him. As it should be.

Of course, I make sure he gets his homework done, and we talk about school everyday. But really, he knows he has to get his homework done without me reminding him, because if he starts skipping assignments, he’s off the American Football team, or won’t get to drive, or loses his phone. So he does his homework. I don’t need to track his grades, he does. What a novel idea! I’m teaching my son about his responsibilities instead of holding his hand all the time, or blaming the teachers if he gets a bad grade. He made the academic midseason cut for American Football on his own, and I’m wicked proud.

Doesn’t it make more sense to give our kids some room to fail and succeed on their own? How are they going to learn to overcome adversity if they never experience it?

Just so we’re clear, I’m not suggesting we step back and give the finger to our kids educations. I just think it’s all a bit too much. Too much handholding, too much information. But hey, a lot of parents must love that tracking shit, or else it wouldn’t exist.

 Hey! Good luck, kid!

They can go right ahead and ‘Modern Parent’ their arses off. I prefer to go with ‘Common Sense Parenting’ and not use their websites and tracking.

I set goals, offer help, get him what he needs to do his work, check in daily, and leave the rest up to him. Instead of tracking his work, I’m talking to him about it. Again, call me crazy.

Hey, anyone out there ever go to a preschool parent-teacher conference? Was it a completely pointless waste of your time and the teacher’s time? I’m asking because I’ve never been to any of the ‘conferences’ at my daughter’s preschool. Mrs. Huttsez and I talked about it when the first one reared it’s fatuous head-


Mrs. Huttsez-  We have a parent -teacher conference tomorrow at 4:30 at the preschool. I forgot to tell you about it last week, sorry.

Huttsez-  Wait... What? Did you just say ‘a parent-teacher conference at the preschool’? Are we talking about the preschool your daughter goes to?

Mrs. Huttsez- [rolls her eyes] Yes. And she’s our daughter, not just mine. So, if I have to go, so do you.

Huttsez-  Right. I keep forgetting. Sorry. 

[Mrs. H shakes her head and laughs a bit]

Mrs. Huttsez-  So what do you think about going to the conference?

Huttsez-  Well, they never had them when The Tall One was in preschool, so I don’t know what to think. However, it sounds like it could be a complete load of bollocks. I mean honestly, what’s the conversation gonna be like? “She paints well, she plays nicely most of the time, her crayon work needs to stay in the lines a little more, she’s got some friends, she’s good at putting her shoes on, and she doesn’t crap her pants hardly ever, which we teachers really appreciate.” To which I reply ‘“Yeah, we’re really pleased with the no-crapping-her-pants-thing too. Thanks for the heads up on the crayon application, I’ll get on her about that right away.”  Think about it- what is there really to talk about?

Mrs. Huttsez-  Scissor skills? Gluing technique?

[The Tall One moseys out of his room] 

The Tall One-  What about circle time participation and sharing skills? And... other... important... stuff... like that.

Huttsez-  Exactly. Mrs. H, did you get an email suggesting you sign up immediately because space is running out? 

Mrs. Huttsez-  No, but Miss Diane told me to sign up as soon as possible. I see her everyday, and check in with how Obersturmführer Bällerinä is doing. We already have a mini conference every time I see her!

Huttsez-  Ok, well I don’t really see the point. My vote is to not go. Mostly because the whole concept is completely absurd and I’ve got other things I need to get done in that time. We’ll let someone else have our slot. 

Mrs. Huttsez-  I agree. There’s plenty of parents that are super excited about the conferences- that spot’ll get snatched up.

Huttsez-  Who are these people?!

We were vindicated in our decision when we heard from a friend that it was extremely close to the Huttsez family version- craft skills, sharing, playing nicely, friends, blah blah blah. 

Call me a bad parent (and you’re welcome to try), but I’m glad I didn’t go. What a complete load of bollocks!


That’s it for now.


If you agree that we need more Common Sense Parenting, like Huttsez on the facebook. We need to stick together.


Thanks for reading. See you soon.



“... the unread voice of a generation.”



The Incident 11/3/14

It’s time for another Modern Parenting entry/rant, so if you think of yourself in this vein, be forewarned- I’m not a big fan. I will, however, try and refrain from telling you to go fuck yourselves*. 

*That one doesn’t count.

‘Modern Parenting’ with all it’s ridiculous terms and rules, makes me get a little unhinged at times. Too much micromanagement for my palate.

I prefer to use ‘Common Sense Parenting’. Here’s a little story to illustrate my point-

I had returned home from work in time to pick up Obersturmführer Bällerinä (my 4 year old daughter) at preschool. When I arrived to pick her up, I was informed that there had been... ‘an incident’. 

Before I go any further I’d like to introduce you to Miss Diane, my 4 year old daughter’s teacher. Miss Diane is Modern Parenting to her very core. In the dictionary next to ‘Modern Parenting’ is a picture of Miss Diane. None more Modern Parenting. 

She speaks in a ‘gentle’ and ‘calming’ monotone, which I find neither ‘gentle’ nor ‘calming’. It makes me cringe and grit my teeth because it seems so forced. She almost  comes across as either really, really baked, or out of her head on pills. How do you stay mellow in a huge room full of 2-5 year olds for 8 hours a day?! Maybe the drugs aren’t such a crazy theory. Anyway, here ya go-


The Incident

A short film in one scene

By Huttsez


Cast of Characters

Huttsez- Me

Miss Diane- Obersturmführer Bällerinä’s preschool teacher

Alice- Obersturmführer Bällerinä, aka my daughter

Jennifer- Obersturmführer Bällerinä’s mega best friend

Huttsez’s Brain- My brain


[Huttsez enters through the preschool door, spots his kid outside in the play area. He pauses briefly and takes a deep breath when he sees Miss Diane hovering around the children. He steels himself and heads out to the playground.] 

Huttsez-  Hi Miss Diane, how are you?

Miss Diane-  Oh hi there, yeah nice to see you, fine thanks. So...umm..yeah... so we had... [Miss Diane takes in a deep, calming breath and exhales] ... an incident.

Huttsez-  [cringing] Oh yeah? 

Miss Diane-  Uh, yeah... so yeah... we had an incident. Alice and Jennifer were going to play with a ball, and... uh, yeah... Alice had the ball and so, yeah, she umm suddenly decided that she didn’t want to play with the ball so... uh, yeah... she threw the ball down, and umm turned her back on Jennifer and crossed her arms in umm... well... in kind of an angry way [Miss Diane makes a ‘sad face’]. So, uh yeah... this really made Jennifer upset and uh... she’s been crying. [Miss Diane pauses to let the terrible news sink in]. Now, we’ve been working on our conflict resolution, and umm well, Alice hasn’t wanted to engage Jennifer in the mending process. The thing is... ummm... so, Jennifer is going on vacation for two weeks tomorrow, and umm, I feel that it’s pretty important to um grasp this opportunity to practice our conflict resolution... 

[Close up of Huttsez’s eyes as they glaze over and Miss Diane’s voice fades out. A conversation between Huttsez and his brain- already in progress- fades up.]


Huttsez-  Hey, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, you have got to chill out! I’m barely keeping my shit together as it is, what with having to listen to Miss Diane drone on about a disagreement between two 4 year olds, and your bloody screaming. So, chill  out! 

Huttsez’s Brain-  [Takes a deep breath and exhales] Ok, alright, I’m good, thanks man. It’s just that she’s killing me with this ‘conflict resolution’ crap. I mean, they’re only 4 years old! And her voice! What IS that?! 

Huttsez-  Dude, I know, it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. And don’t forget about ‘engaging in the mending process’. Ridiculous. I bet I could get those kids to work it out in about fifteen seconds, maybe less. No problema.

Huttsez’s Brain-  Hey man, she’s asking you a question. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Might wanna stop spacing out.

Huttsez-  Oh yeah, right. Thanks, dude.... 

[Huttsez looks over at Miss Diane as her voice fades back up.]

Miss Diane-  ... and so um yeah, I think it would be a good time to mend, you know?, So yeah, do you think you could help me initiate the process by getting Alice to engage with Jennifer?

Huttsez-  Uh, yeah. Sure.

[Miss Diane’s attention is drawn to the opposite end of the play area, where two boys have been playing ‘run round and round really fast in the sand box with reckless abandon’ and heads over to crush their fun. Huttsez seizes the opportunity, goes and gets Obersturmführer Bällerinä, and takes her over to Jennifer]

Huttsez-  I heard you guys had a bit of a moment, and everyone got a little upset, right?

[The girls both nod their heads]

Huttsez-  I bet you guys wanna make up because you’re best friends and Jennifer’s going away tomorrow, right?

[The girls both nod their heads]

Huttsez-  Ok, great. [he glances up and sees Miss Diane moving quickly in their direction] Alice, you say ‘Sorry I made you sad’ and then give each other a hug. Come on, chop chop.

Obersturmführer Bällerinä-  Sorry I made you sad.

Jennifer-  I’m sorry, too.

[As they hug and start talking happily away, Huttsez turns to Miss Diane] 

Huttsez-  There you go, all resolved.

Miss Diane-  Uh, yeah.. so... uh... that’s good then. Well, ok. Umm, nice to see you.

Huttsez-  Nice to see you, too, Miss Diane. Come on kid, let’s grab your stuff and hit the road. 

[Huttsez exits with Obersturmführer Bällerinä]


The End

So, Modern Parenting lost to Common Sense Parenting. I didn’t have to get them to ‘practice their conflict resolution and engage in the mending process’, I got them to ‘make up’. In fifteen seconds. Why? Because they’re 4 years old- they don’t give a shit about ‘conflict resolution’, they just want to make up and move on. Who talks to a 4 year old like that anyway?! Oh yeah... Modern Parents. Feckin’ eejits.

It’s just too over thought, too much micromanaging. We’re raising a generation that will be afraid to take risks because they’ve grown up being shielded from danger, and accidents, and failure. Kids need room to figure out stuff on their own sometimes, to develop their own identities and be empowered by making their own choices.

So back off a bit, Modern Parents! Just... stop it, you’re making a lot of us other parents crazy. 

Look, I’ve ended up having to make this entry in to a two part series- I guess my ranting has found some legs. I’m gonna bring it to a screeching halt right here and come back soon with ‘Yay, Micro-parenting!’


That’s it for now.


Hey, Modern Parents! I didn’t tell you to go fuck yourselves*! I bet you want to go and ‘like’ the Huttsez facebook page now. Right this way...

*That one doesn’t count either.


Thanks for reading. See you soon.



“... the unread voice of a generation.”



Johnny Depp? Or DAD! 10/26/14

So the other day, I was looking at some of my super old blog ideas and came across one that somehow slipped through the cracks that really should have been turned into a proper entry. This one’s for those of you with babies, pay attention.

My daughter- Obersturmführer Bällerinä- is about to turn 5, but we’re gonna go back to when she was 1 and just starting to talk.

She had gotten the obligatory-first-word-is-‘Mum’ thing out of the way, and I had finally gotten her saying Dad. In fact, every time I would say ‘Dad’ she would say it right back to me. Now, I’ve heard that a lot of babies ‘parrot’ new words like this back to their parents, it’s how they learn, right? Ok. Here’s what I did- and what I strongly suggest those of you with babies follow suit- I made up a fun question and answer game. It went like this-


Huttsez- Who do you think is more handsome AND interesting- the guy from Sons of Anarchy? Or DAD!


Obersturmführer Bällerinä- Dad!

Huttsez-  Good answer, Sweetie! Ok. Who do you think the woman that gave birth to you* would rather be with- Johnny Depp? Or DAD! 

*You can’t say Mum because the kid will just say ‘Mum’ and blow the whole thing. You gotta get creative.


Obersturmführer Bällerinä- Dad!

Huttsez- Wow! That’s another great answer! Right, one more quick question. If the person I mentioned in the last question had to choose who she thought had most likely mastered the art of lovemaking, should she choose Johnny Depp? Or DAD!


Obersturmführer Bällerinä- Dad!

Huttsez-   Shazam! Great answer kid! Didja hear that, Mrs. H? 

Mrs. Huttsez-  [rolls her eyes, but with a little smile]Yes, I did. Most likely because I’m sitting right here.

Huttsez-  Crazy... well, you know what they say ‘Out of the mouthes of babes’ and all that. [and we all laugh and hug because we’re the most perfect family that never has any problems ever]


So. this silly little game served a double purpose, it gave us all a little chuckle- tired parents with babies often need a touch of brevity- and kept my favorite topic-The Sex- front and center. Good subject to keep in the foreground when you’ve got a baby, because it’s easy to let it get away from you. 

You could come up with a myriad of possible questions. Off the top of my head-


Mum-  Who do you think should do the washing up after dinner- the Homo sapien standing before you? Or DAD!

Dad-  Who should be the recipient of a back rub because they deserve it the most- the woman who’s always asking me to fix things? Or DAD!

Mum- Who do you think should stay home with you while the other parent goes out for dinner and drinks with her friends. Boring old Mrs. Huttsez? Or super fun DAD!

Dad-  Who do you think should sit in manchair and watch *proper* football all day. The person in this house that has the most shoes? Or DAD!


Whatever the question, if you currently have a baby, don’t let this opportunity pass ‘cause it’s a good time. As the young people say, “thas wassup”.


That’s it for now.


Who’s facebook page would you rather like- that guy from the original 21 Jump Street? Or HUTTSEZ!*

*Umm, actually you don’t have to answer that question. But I’d appreciate the “like”. Go on, then.


Thanks for reading. See you soon.



“... the unread voice of a generation.”



Yay! Bedtime!! Pt. 2- Made Up Stories 10/19/14

While we’re on the topic of bedtime, we should talk about made up stories. Kids love ‘em, and they have some nice benefits for the parents.

You can basically stretch out a made up story into incredibly dull lists, thus helping to send the little tweeker into Slumberton. Like this-

[said in a very slow, calm, hypnotist type voice] ... and then he got out the eggs, and the flour, and the vanilla [pause] ... and then he got out the sugar, and some butter, and some strawberries [p a u s e] ... and then he got the mixing bowl, and the whisk, and a wooden spoon, and two cake pans [p  a  u  s  e] ... and then he put the flour into the mixing bowl, and then he put the eggs into the mixing bowl, and then he put the butter and vanilla into the mixing bowl [P   A   U   S   E] ... and then he plugged in the electric whisk thingy, and mixed it all together.... oh, and he added a little milk into the mixing bowl...

I bet you turned off pretty quick and skipped over most of that, didn’t you? Well, I don’t blame you, it’s soul numbingly dull. But that’s the technique I like for the end of the story when I’m trying to get 4 year old daughter to nod off.

Now, you can’t just have a crap story with nothing exciting because the kid won’t want to hear it anymore, in fact it may end up pissing them off instead of getting them to sleep (I’ve seen it happen). So it’s gotta have some fun parts too. 

Mostly because I’m lazy, I made up a character called Bill The Dragon. Bill has a little sister called Veronica, and his Mum and Dad are Susan and Roger. It’s basically our family, except that we’re dragons and have cooler names.

Bill and his family do cool things like build sandcastles at the beach, plant a flower garden (a really good one for lists!), go to the museum. Bill is an excellent baker, and loves to bake cakes and cookies with his little sister. Fun, simple stuff. Not to say that it doesn’t get whacky from time to time.

Back when I was still clinging to a thread of hope that Obersturmführer Bällerinä would somehow want to play football (Ha!), I told a Bill The Dragon story about Bill and Veronica playing Flying Ballet Football with their friends. It was incredibly silly-


... and then Veronica went from first position and did a perfect plié with a fast run into a well executed brisé, got her head on the ball and smashed it past the flailing ‘keeper with a powerful header to the top right corner. Everyone hugged her and they all smiled because football is great. Oh yeah, and so is ballet.


Needless to say, she shows absolutely no interest in playing football and is all about the dancing. Surprise surprise. 

So that little brainwashing attempt obviously failed, even though it probably never really stood a chance anyway. 

Oh, well.

Another benefit of made up stories can be that you ‘big yourself up’- here’s a little excerpt from one of our stories... 

... that’s when Roger- Bill and Veronica’s Dad- took them out for gelato.

“You’re the best, Dad!” said Bill and Veronica,

“You got that right kids,” said Roger “Dads are the best!”

And they all hugged and laughed, and Roger told them that he loved them, and then he bought Veronica a Curious George dvd, and they went home and Susan made her famous popcorn and they all watched Curious George. 

After the movie, Veronica gave Roger a big hug.

“I love you Dad. You are really great.” she said. 

“I agree Sweetie, and you’re really great too.” 

And then Roger told her a story and she went to sleep. Because Dads are great and they tell the best stories. The End. 

Power of positive persuasion, right? Right. 

I did one where Roger gets tickets to the ballet for Veronica and Susan. Because Dads are great.

I do one where Veronica’s things keep getting broken or stop working and Roger fixes them every time. Because Dads are great and can do lots of stuff.

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not all Roger all the time. No, no. Susan gets to be great too. She helped Bill and Veronica plant their flower and vegetable gardens by taking them to the nursery and picking out all the cool stuff they were going to plant. After Roger roto-tilled all the soil, because it was a tough manly Dad job that big tough Dads like to do, Susan did all the planting with them. Because Mums are great. See? I spread it around, I’m not holding out. Bill gets big upped as the best-big-brother-ever when he does cool stuff with Veronica. Everyone gets a taste. I’m an equal opportunity made up story teller. Well, if I’m being fair, I would have to say that Roger does get a bit more of the praise... Whudahyahgonnado? ;)

So, apart from telling you about Bill The Dragon, I guess I was also attempting to offer some story telling advice to any fellow bedtime sufferers out there. Anything’s worth a try, am I right? Hope it helps, my tired and grumpy Bedtime War compatriots. It works for me. Sometimes. Hopefully.

That’s it for now.


Go and like Huttsez on facebook. Because Hutsezes are great.


Thanks for reading. See you soon. 


“... the unread voice of a generation.”



Yay! Bedtime!!  10/11/14

Bedtime. Bed. Time.


I’m not a big fan.

Let me clarify that a bit- I’m a big fan of my bedtime. My bedtime is easy.

However, my 4 year old roommate- aka my daughter, aka Obersturmführer Bällerinä- is not so easy at bedtime. Which isn’t too terribly surprising- you see- because she’s only four. It’s what they do.

Man oh man, she is a handful, and I’m talking about an Andre The Giant sized handful over here.

I know I’m not alone. I’ve spoken to other parents who have kids that are passionately opposed to the concept of bedtime. It’s nothing new to parents of young children. There are many veterans of The Bedtime Wars out there, frazzled and shell-shocked- you know who you are. 

When 6 o’clock rolls around and Obersturmführer Bällerinä starts to crank up on the hyper, tired, edgy energy, Mrs. Huttsez and I move our threat level from yellow (elevated) to orange (high) and prepare to mobilize. It’s not our first rodeo.

There are times when she reaches that super overtired place that it feels like I’m dealing with a tiny alcoholic cokehead. Check out some of the things she does- 

Sometimes she gets all jittery and sprints around talking incessantly.

On occasion she jumps on the bed or sofa like she’s a circus performer. Somersaults make a frequent appearance.

She’s been known to laugh AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS even when nothing funny happens.

She can get wicked ornery.

She stalls like a champion with copious trips to the toilet. 

She can also can throw down a colossal tantrum if you don’t play your cards right. Which happens sometimes, because we’re tired too.

It’s like parenting’s Perfect Storm. A tired kid and tired parents with diametrically opposed agendas. Especially if the kid is possessed by a demon, like mine. Just kidding. Honest. *clears throat*

When she goes ‘full on’, Mrs. H and I go to threat level red (severe) and prepare for the worst. Shit’s about to get real. It’s pretty much a given that she’ll be up until at least 10:00, and that’s really late for a 4 year old. Not to mention the 47 year old who gets up at 4:45am. It sucks for all of us. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen all the time. Otherwise I’d sell her to science. Just kidding. Honest. *clears throat*

So we’ve tried A LOT of different approaches to bedtime, and had varying degrees of success along the way.

We do bath, books, and bed every night for her bedtime routine.

We’ve tried one parent does bedtime to see if that might work.

We’ve tried dividing the jobs- Mum does bath, Dad does books. And vice versa.

We’ve tried good behavior sticker charts with treat at the end of the week incentives. I will buy her this, if she'll just GO TO SLEEP!

We’ve tried consequences, like losing iPad privileges. I suggested food, Mrs. H was not impressed ;).

We’ve resorted to the ‘sleep drive’. You know, the one where you take your exhausted and screaming child for a ride so they can finally go to sleep. Guilty as charged. We’ve even lied to her and said that she’s going to “the special cupcake place” just to get her in the car. Parenting!

When she’s fully tweeking, we’ve learned to abort bedtime and go to the living room for sticker books or some drawing. Helps her come down enough to get back in bed for some books or stories.

Lying down with her, rubbing her back, co-sleeping, night lights, extra books, made up stories that go on FOREVER- bedtime is a big job. Jebus Harry Christ...

At the moment we’re trying short term incentives, and it seems to be working... for now. 

Mrs. Huttsez suggested that perhaps the week long good behavior chart was too long term, that Obersturmführer Bällerinä couldn’t get her head around being good for the whole week with a treat on the weekend. It was just too far ahead, you know? She proposed that we go day to day- so she gets to watch a show in the morning (I believe the Modern Parents call it ‘screen time’)(*cringe*), but only if she was good at bedtime. It’s about 20 minutes, not a big deal and it’s kind of working.  Andre-The-Giant-fingers crossed!

If it stops working (which it will), then hey, we’ll ride out the meltdowns and come up with another approach. It’s part of being a parent. We’re just gonna have to go with the flow.

And that’s what I’m learning to do. Relax. Adjust. Breath. But mostly relax.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not some ultra mellow, perfect Dad. I totally lose my patience from time to time, but man, when you’re knock down exhausted and your kid is being a total shit, it’s hard. Whuduhyagonnado?

She’s not always going to fight bedtime, she will grow and mature, and before we know it, she’ll be telling us to fuck off and that she hates us. So relax.

It’s so easy for parents to micromanage their kids, to get all caught up and anxious if something about their children is awry. They lose sight of the big picture. They forget that their kids will go through a multitude of phases, good and bad. I’ve certainly been guilty of this.

People go to sleep specialists, and seminars, and read books on how to get their kids to sleep. Well, here’s some advice that would save them a lot of time and energy- relax, just chill out. If you’re calm they’ll be calm. Also, it’s just what a lot of young children do. So you have to deal, get over it. It’s taken me a long time to realize this simple truth.

My son is 15. I don’t have a hard time getting him to go to bed. He goes to bed when he’s tired. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I’m not going to hire a sleep specialist or do any of that other bollocks, because I know my daughter will outgrow her resistance to bedtime... some long day away. No need to get my knickers in a twist- life goes in cycles.

Don’t sweat the small stuff and look at the big picture. Children grow and go through many phases, so if you relax and be present you’ll get through the tough times. We’re parents, it’s what we signed up for. 

My sweet little daughter is a precocious joy when she’s not tired. Mrs. H astutely said-

You know, if the sleep problem is her only ‘thing’, then I think we’re doing pretty well. I mean, what if we had 3 small kids like a lot of our friends? Can you imagine?! It must be insane...”

So yeah, we’ve actually got it pretty good, in the it-could-be-way-crazier sense. Or something like that.

In the immortal words of Tommy Chong-

Mellow out, Man. 

That’s it for now.


Go like my facebook page. It’s relaxing.


Thanks for reading. See you soon.


 “... the unread voice of a generation.”


p.s.  Bollocks, I forgot to talk about daylight savings time. For the first time in my life, I am excited for the short days. Normally, I really dislike the winter days- 5 o’clock and it’s getting pretty dark is a bummer. Not anymore, dear reader. I can’t wait!

All summer long with the-

“But Dad, the sun is still up. It’s too early for my bedtime.” 

Well, Obersturmführer Bällerinä, your time is running short. Soon you won’t have the sun to aid you in your little ‘bedtime rebellion’, and the nights will grow long. Your mother and I shall stand victorious before you, as you conk out at 7:30. Winter is coming.