Right, let’s start off with a possibly contentious statement.
Men who are husbands and fathers get shafted when it comes to holidays and special occasions.
I’ll show you what I’m talking about, and we’ll keep score while we go.
Christmas- It’s all about the kids. As it should be. However, don’t get a crap present for your partner, guys, put some thought and care into it. Do something special for The Missus, or you’ll probably hear about it. So, we have to use The Pampering Coefficient* to keep the holidays running smoothly. It’s like Sisyphus pushing a bloody great rock up a hill. Good luck.
*I just made that up to sound all scientific and shit.
Her Birthday/Your Birthday- An occasion to approach with the upmost care. Men often drop the ball on the “Her Birthday” planning. And by men, I mean me. I have GOT TO get better (even though I’m sure I’m not alone). Card and flowers in the morning, well thought out dinner with reservations, maybe a night away, spa treatment, a present that shows you care (I do, however, rock the presents). A happy wife is a happy life. Planning for a husband’s birthday is a lot easier. We’re content with a socket set and some sex- quick trip to the hardware store and 3 1/2 minutes in the bedroom. Piece-o’-cake.
Valentine’s Day- Here’s a conversation between 2 dudes that has never happened-
“Hey Man, how was your Valentine’s? Did your wife take you to do something special?”
“Well, she did take me out for dinner at my favorite steak house on 4th street, and she did get me a great bottle of whiskey. But she didn’t give me tickets to the game like your wife did. Women just don’t get it sometimes, Bro.”
“I know! Even though my wife got me tickets to the game, she forgot to make reservations for dinner! I mean, who does that on Valentine’s?! So we ended up waiting 2 hours for a table. Not what I was looking for, Dude.”
Yeah, not a conversation I’ll be having on the jobsite.
Anniverary- Again, the onus is on the men to deliver a special evening. And we better not blow it, or else.
Mother’s Day- A special day for every hardworking mum. You’ll hear no arguments from me.
Father’s Day- There ya go, Lads! Nice to break that scoring drought, eh? I love Father’s Day...
July 4th/Summer National Holidays- Everyone likes summertime holidays. Win-win.
So there you have it. Men are outscored 6-2.
I left out some holidays like Halloween and Easter, because they’re more kid oriented. I also left out the “when we met” and “first date anniversaries”. Thank Jebus that Mrs. Huttsez doesn’t force these upon me, because I have friends who have to mark those occasions too! In fact, a guy I work with told me recently that he’d forgotten the “first date anniversary” and he was in the dog house as a result. Wow.
Hmmmmm. Dear Women Who Are Crazy, if you want to shake the “psycho chick-high maintenance-overly dramatic” labels maybe you should stop being so crazy? Just a thought.
Look, we’re men. We’re good at fixing things, doing manly man work, and carrying heavy objects. We take out the rubbish and kill the mice. We get rid of spiders and change the tire when it’s flat. We unclog the bathroom sink p-trap that’s full of rancid hair and we move big dressers. Why on Earth would you expect us to be good event planners? Right?
But yeah, 6-2. Not exactly the parity that political correctness and Modern Parenting are pretending to call for, eh?
Looks to me like men really are getting a bit of the old shaft. Even if I take Christmas off the table -that one was a bit thin I’ll admit- it’s still 5-2. I think it’s time to even the score a touch. And, strangely, I have an idea or two about how to do it. If I may...
Here’s some things a lot of men/husbands/dads like- sex, sports, sofas, and sandwiches. We also love the times when no one is at home, because they’re very rare. A lot of us like beer. And a lot of us like weed. I’d like to propose a new holiday for dads that embraces all of these elements.
Let’s just go ahead and say, completely randomly, that the last Saturday of January will now be known as Four S Saturday.
The family pre-makes loads of gourmet sandwiches and then leaves. The dad watches sports and eats said sandwiches on the sofa all day. Obviously with beer or weed or both, if he so chooses. The children don’t come home that night. The missus does. Oh yeah!
That would “even” out the scoring at 5-3. But I’d be cool with that. I’m sure most men would agree with me*
*Dudes, let’s make this happen!.
So, how about it women? Whudayasay? You give us Four S Saturday, and we’ll call it even at 5-3. You still get the better deal, right? I mean come on!
I’d be surprised if you didn’t agree as it’s the mature and intelligent thing to do. We all know women are smarter and more mature than men. And it’s obvious that you would choose to make things more equal. Because you’re so smart.
So, we’re on the same page here? Great! Glad we could work that out.
Hey, um, according to my calendar, Four S Saturday is coming up next week- January 25th! Wow, that’s soon! You might wanna get planning!
A quick word about the name. It could be 5 S Saturday if you add spliffs or suds. I suppose you could call it 6 S Saturday if you added both. The point is to keep it flexible. Pick and choose your S’s a la carte. What doesn’t change- the kids still leave and sleep elsewhere, the missus returns for an evening of romance/ 3/12 minutes on the sofa.
Before anyone accuses me of making an outlandish request/completely talking out of my arse, I’d like to mention that I held back on my desire to take the score to a respectable 5-4 by suggesting another... idea.
But I don’t want to push my luck, ya know?
We can talk about “BJ Day” another time. :)
Nice working with you....
That’s it for now.
Follow the shenanigans- @huttsez
If you’re a dude who just read this, and you don’t go and “like” the Huttsez Facebook Page. then you’re a douchebag. I just went out on a limb for you, Bro, so don’t leave me hangin’! Cool.
Thanks for reading. See you soon.
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